


Sympathy for a Winchester

by WaywardAF67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, John-centric, Light Angst, POV John Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 13:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10219337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardAF67/pseuds/WaywardAF67
Summary: Set during Season 3 Episode 8 " A Very Supernatural Christmas'.John gets a line on the Colt and heads out to Illinois in hopes of locating the gun. He promises Sam and Dean he will return in time for Christmas, and does all he can to keep his promise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Mega Coven. Thank you everyone for your help.

“Damn it, Rufus. Are you sure about this? If I miss another holiday I am pretty sure Dean will steal a car and come find me”, John spat at the other hunter.

“John, I am just passing along what I heard. Pontiac is 10 hours from where you are. You can be back by Christmas Eve night if you leave now. Oh, and John…”

“Hum.”

“How the hell would Dean know how to steal a car? Why don’t you play ball with the boy instead of teaching him how to hotwire a vehicle”, Rufus said.

If there was one thing John could count on, it was Rufus Turner giving him shit about how he raised his boys. John knew he wasn’t the best father he could be, and he knew he put too much responsibility on his 12-year old son. He also knew his genius 8-year old was starting to ask questions and he felt like a coward for leaving Dean to come up with the answers. Dean is just better than he is with Sam. They have their own language. Sam is a sensitive kid, and John just can't connect with him. It’s not that he doesn't want to. He just doesn't know how to communicate without barking orders. Dean listens to him and never asks questions. He knows John is giving orders to keep them safe. Sam, on the other hand, always has had problems obeying. Even at 8, he his questioning John’s ability to keep them safe. He is wrong. John knows he's flying blind.

Every day he learns of a new threat to him and the boys. He wishes he could get them out of this life. No, he wishes he would never have started down this path in the first place. He often regrets not just getting the insurance money and starting over. But after learning what’s out there, how could a man just stand by and do nothing? People needed help, and slowly he had learned how to give that support. It wasn’t easy at first. He even tried giving it up a few times. When Sam was two, a rugaru had John laid up for almost a month. He had decided he wasn’t going to go back after that. Getting his revenge and saving strangers meant nothing if he left his boys orphaned. Somehow, though, the monsters always seemed to find him.

It was three months after the initial rugaru attack when John found himself facing a demon. It was his first encounter, and again it almost killed him. He was pissed off at his lack of ability to defeat the demon. This was the moment he had been waiting for. It was one of the bastards that took his Mary. It wasn’t Yellow Eyes, but one of his minions was good enough, for now. When it came down to it, though, he froze. If it were not for Bobby Singer and Rufus Turner, he would have been a goner.

He has never met a more crotchety pair of men. They fight like they have been married for years. It's crossed John’s mind that maybe they were indeed married, but it wasn’t his place to ask, nor care. They saved his life, and that’s all that matters to him.

After that, Bobby took John in under his wing. He had a home and business to run, so he wasn’t out in the field as much as John and Rufus. He was smart, though. He could tell you anything about anything and quickly became the go-to for any hunter who had a strange case.

John often drops the boys with Bobby when he finds a case that keeps him away for more than a day or two. Sometimes he just leaves the kids with Bobby because he knows the older hunter is capable of showing them love. It not that John doesn't love them. He does, with everything he has, he loves those kids. But Bobby just has a way with them. When Sam was four, he would bring Bobby a book he found lying around his house. Bobby would always tell Sam it was fiction and pull Sam into his lap and read him the story of the man who vanquished the evil monster that ate human flesh.

By the time Sam was five, Bobby had started asking him for help looking stuff up. It came as no surprise to anyone that Sam could read almost as well as Dean. His older brother reads to him every night and works with Sam non-stop in the car teaching him to read. The kid is smart, but John can't take credit for that. Dean's the one who taught him to count, the alphabet, and sight words. Dean is smart too. He's a child himself raising a kid, but anytime you tell him that, he gets mad and says “Sammy’s the smart one.” He decided early on that his role was the tough guy, and Sam was the brains. Bobby would tell John that he needed to correct Dean when he said shit like that, but John knew it was no use. Dean puts Sam above all else, and if Dean insists his little brother was the smart one, he will spend his whole life making sure Sam was, in fact, the smart one.

Sam is now eight and staring at him like he was the worst kind of monster. And really, it doesn’t get much worse than disappointing your kid on Christmas. “Dad, can’t you just wait until after Christmas? Sammy was pretty down about missing Thanksgiving," Dean asks in a small voice. John usually wouldn't allow this line of questioning coming from Dean, but he understands his older son’s worry for Sam’s happiness is more important than the punishment he thinks he will receive. At this point, he should be taking lessons from Dean.

_ I don’t know where he gets it, but that kid would do anything to keep his brother safe and happy. I hope someday I can be to him what he is to Sam. _

“Dean, it will just be a few days. I will be back by Christmas Eve if not sooner,” he reasons. Again, something he doesn’t normally do. He’d better get a reign on his emotions before his eldest starts thinking he can walk all over him.

“I need to talk to you, son, man to man,” John whispers across the tiny kitchenette table. “Can you distract your brother, so he doesn’t pay attention to us?”

Dean doesn't say anything. He just gets up, grabs the book the kids have been reading and murmured to his little brother. He doesn’t hear what Dean told him. Hell, he didn't even know what book they are reading. But he knows they are reading the same book, and Sam has been asking him a ton of questions about it. Maybe they formed their own little book club. It seems like something Dean would do to keep Sam busy. Give him a book and quiz him on it later.

_ Dean doesn’t give himself enough credit for reading those stupid books. He is so wrapped up in helping Sam learn that he forgets he is learning too. I should probably tell him that. But he might stop doing it because heaven forbid Dean take a compliment about his intelligence. _

“Sammy’s distracted, sir, what is it you wanted to talk about?”, Dean askes not making eye contact.

John assumes Dean is expecting his punishment for talking back. He hates that it’s where Dean’s mind automatically goes. Is he that much of a hard-ass? An ass chewing might actually be easier than asking him about staying with Kate. He thought a lot about sending his boys to stay with his not-quite-girlfriend. She doesn’t know what John does; she just knows that he isn’t around a lot because of work. She made it a point never to ask, which John appreciates. She is a great mother, though, and he knows that if he needed his kids to be safe, he could send them to stay with her. Only he knows he never will. John doesn't want his sons to be away from him. He wants them by his side every step of the way. It's selfish of him to put them in danger, but he can't do this without them.

_ That's a lie, you coward. You can do this without them. You just don't want to. _

No, he would never allow it and neither would Dean. He wasn't kidding about him hotwiring a car and finding him. Dean is just determined enough to do it.

John changes his mind on asking Dean about staying with Kate. It's time he admits to himself he's never going to let his children live an average apple pie life. He hates himself for it, but he hopes one day they will understand how important the work is. He's sure Dean will get it, but he has no idea if Sam will be able to get onboard. The kid craves stability, and that just isn't the life of a hunter.

_ It’s time to drop the idea of Kate altogether. She is not Sam and Dean’s mother, and there is no way Dean would look at the situation as anything other than me trying to replace our family with theirs. Hell, maybe I am. Maybe I just want a do-over, so I don’t keep making the wrong decisions. It’s not like Kate, and I are serious. We had a one-night stand three years ago. If circumstances were different, we wouldn't have even kept in contact. _

“Um, Dad, what did you need to talk to me about?”, Dean asks, pulling John from his thoughts.

“Just… make sure to watch over Sam, okay? I know you always do, but I think he’s still mad about me missing Thanksgiving. I know Boston Market isn’t exactly an apple pie version of Thanksgiving, but the tradition is ours, and I am sorry you boys missed it”.

“Okay, Dad.” Dean seems relieved he isn't in trouble.

_ God, I am fucking this kid up. _

“Dean, your mom would be proud of you. This isn’t the life she would have wanted for you, but she would be proud of the man you are becoming,” John adds. He knows Dean doesn't like talking about his mother and is probably going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the week, but he needs to express how proud he was of him. It was easier to use Mary as a buffer. Showing emotion wasn’t one of John Winchester’s talents.

John takes one final look around the motel room making sure Dean has everything he may need: salt, lighters, shotgun, salt rounds, and a little bit of money for food. He knows it’s not enough, but he can’t leave Dean with his only credit card. He’s resourceful and will make the money work for them. He gives Dean the usual rundown anytime he goes. Don’t answer the phone unless it rings once, stops, then rings again. Don’t answer the door for anyone, and if someone comes in, shoot first, ask questions later. Lastly, though - the most important one - if he’s not back by Sunday, call Pastor Jim or Bobby.

As he walks out the door, he looks back at his children one last time. His heart swells and breaks simultaneously. Dean has Sam tucked under his arm reassuring him that their dad won’t miss Christmas.

_ You can’t fuck this one up, Winchester. If you miss Christmas, Sam will never forgive you. _

He climbs behind the wheel of his Impala and takes a deep breath. Leaving them only gets harder. He cranks the heat even though he knows it won’t be warm yet.

_ Those fucking legos, I can’t stand them. When I get back, I am going to make Dean dig them out. _

As John drives away from his sons, he wonders, as he often does, if his dad felt this amount of heartbreak to walk away. John knows there's a chance he isn't going to come back, making him no better than his son-of-a-bitch father, but he always plans on returning home. He isn't running out on them. He's just handling his responsibility. He knows Dean understands that and knows that one day Dean will help Sammy understand too.

These long trips without the boys are awful. In the life of a hunter, 10 hours was a pretty quick trip. But it took a lot longer when he didn’t have Sam and Dean’s chatter to occupy his mind. He would get annoyed at them sometimes. There are times when a man just needs to be alone with his thoughts. But mostly John enjoys their conversations and banter.

It fills him with so much pride to see Dean slowly becoming a man. He's too young to be able to fire a shotgun, to know that monsters are real, and way too young to be a father figure. But that kid shoulders it all with very little complaint. He mouths off from time to time, and John pops him in his mouth occasionally, but Dean has to learn how to speak to his elders with respect. What else was there to do?

****************************************

John stops at a payphone and tries to call Daniel. They hadn’t talked in recent years, but Daniel Elkins knew more about The Colt than anyone he had ever met. According to legend, there are only five things that gun can't kill. John doesn't know what those five things are, but he is pretty sure a damned Yellow-Eyed Demon isn’t one of them. Even if The Colt didn’t kill Yellow Eyes, it's still a weapon he knows he needs - at any cost. The hunter tries to never step out of his code of not hurting an innocent human, but this one time he is willing to break it.

He couldn't reach Daniel, so he calls Bobby to ask if he can hunt him down. John isn't willing to tell Bobby why, and he's lucky that his friend didn’t ask. He and Bobby have been on the outs recently. The older hunter thought he somehow got a say in how he raised his boys, and it was working John’s last nerve. However, he knows Bobby will always come through for him. Even if John knows he's only doing it because it's the best move for Sam and Dean, he's still grateful for the help.

Two hours outside of Pontic, John stops one last time to call Bobby. He's shocked to find out that Daniel has stopped in Cornell to spend the night after a regular salt and burn. That's right outside of Pontic, and John’s mind starts to get suspicious. He has always questioned Daniel how he learned so much about The Colt. All Daniel would tell him is that he learned from his father. The two men did a lot of hunting when the boys were younger, and from what John could tell, Daniel hated his father. It was something they bonded over often.

John has a gut feeling that Daniel and The Colt being spotted in the same location cannot be a coincidence. He knows Daniel has the gun. The question is how is he going to get Daniel to give it to him. He's willing to get the gun by any means necessary, but Daniel is his friend. He hopes he can just talk him out of the gun instead of taking it forcefully.

  
*********************************************************************

  
Hunters are usually smart, resourceful men and women. They knew how to cover their tracks and speak in code so no one knew who they were or what they were doing. But the one constant about a hunter was a grungy motel room. The nomadic lifestyle didn’t leave a lot of room in the bank account, and credit card fraud was getting harder and harder. So when John pulled into Cornell he scoped out the small town for places a hunter might stay. There was a Super 8 that looked run-down, but chain prices always seemed a bit higher than the pay-by-the-hour type places. The “no-tell motels” don’t really care if you are covered in blood when you check in.

There was one place in town that seemed to fit the bill: The Fiesta Motel. It was tacky and most of the street lamps were busted out - making it just shady enough for a twenty dollar blowjob or a hunter.

_Why pay for a full night when you are only going to sleep 4 hours?_

John noticed a beat-up Chevy truck that looked a lot like the one Daniel had been driving the last time he saw him. It was parked in front of a room and John assumed that was where he was staying. He could be on the second floor, but since it’s harder to escape from the second story, it was likely this was his room.

He debated if he wanted to barge in and demand The Colt or approach him as a friend first. It went against his “shoot first, ask later” policy, but John decided he would knock on the door and see if he couldn’t get his old friend to help him out. He would promise to bring the gun back, but Daniel was too smart to believe him.

_Alright, Winchester, turn on the charm. If you can win this guy over, you are one step closer to revenge. Shit, I should have brought a bottle of bourbon._

After a quick knock, Daniel calls out “Who the hell is it”.

“Daniel, it’s John Winchester. I heard you were in town from Singer, and I wanted to talk to you”, John shouted through the door.

Daniel slowly pulls the door back with his shotgun trained on John’s chest.

“What you got in there, salt rounds?”, John tries to joke. Given that he knows he could be in for a fight, it makes him very nervous to have a gun pointed at him.

“Nah, good old fashioned buckshot.”

“Well, are you gonna hold a gun on me all night, or invite me in?”, John asked, still feigning levity.

Daniel took a step back and decided to open the door and let John in, however, he didn’t drop his weapon.

“John, how did you find me?”, Daniel asks.

“I told you, man. Singer told me where you were. He was worried we might be working the same case, so he sent me over to check in with you”. John was really struggling to keep his emotions in check. He had a bad feeling about this, but didn’t want to let it show.

“Yeah, you said that. Only I never told Bobby where I was hunting or why. The only person who knows where I am is Rufus”.

“Well you know those two, they gossip more than a couple of church ladies at a Sunday luncheon”.

“You’re not wrong, John, but see, I happen to know that Bobby and Rufus are in one of their off-again moments and haven’t talked in a few weeks. So Rufus wasn’t gossipin’ to Bobby”, Daniel growled at John.

_Shit. He knows what I am here for. How the fuck does he know? Bobby didn’t alert him, did he? There is no way. Bobby never even cared for Daniel. He wouldn’t out me._

“You tryin’ to figure out how it was I knew you were comin’ for The Colt? I know you better than you think, John. I knew you would eventually get suspicious of me. You don’t trust anyone. Why would I be any different? I told you all I knew about The Colt. I figured you would expect me to know something I didn’t tell you. That and you been tellin’ anyone who’d listen you want that gun. So when you show up at my door, unannounced at midnight, I put two and two together”.

John is shocked by his friends admission, but decided to keep with the truth. “You know I need that gun. I can take down that yellow-eyed bastard who killed my wife with it, Dan. I will give it back. Shit, come hunt with me like we used to. You let me kill him, and then take your gun right back”.

“You’re not hearin’ me, John. I don’t have the gun. I can’t say I would trust you with it if I did, though. And you know why we can’t hunt together anymore. I got sick of you abusin’ those kids. I won’t be around that shit again. Let me guess, you already got Dean saltin’ and burnin’?”.

“That’s none of your fucking business”, John spits at the man he used to consider a friend.

John knew he wasn’t a good dad, but he did the best he could. “You don’t get to talk about my boys. I’m 10 times the father my pops ever was. He ran out and left me with nothing but a piece-of-shit music box. At least when this life kills me, I will have left Sam and Dean the skills they need to survive. Dean is already a better hunter than you. Outside of vamps, you ain’t shit. Now tell me where’s the gun?”.

“I told you, I don’t have it”, Daniel repeated.

“Yeah, I get that. But where the fuck do you have it stashed?” John’s voice was getting wild. He was losing control and it was only a matter of moments before he let loose on the other hunter.

"John, you got that look in your eye, it's not smart to take this any further."

"Daniel, I think you know what a desperate man is capable of. Are you sure you want to put me in that situation?"

"I think you're the one putting yourself in that situation."

That was the final straw. John saw red and launched himself at Daniel. As he threw the first punch he shouted to Daniel that he didn't want to hurt him. He just needed the gun.

John gets a few shots in, but eventually Daniel reared back, and in one swift movement breaks John's nose.

Seeing his friend hurt and bloody took the fight right out of Daniel. While John was destructed by his gushing nose, the older hunter turned and restrained John from behind.

John was struggling to break free, but Daniel had the upper hand. "Goddamnit John, it's gonna get you nowhere. Forget about the gun, forget about yellow eyes, and just raise your kids."

"How can I just forget about the thing that ruined my family?! He took my wife from me, took the boy's mother, and he took the only hope of happiness I ever had. I can't just let that go, and you of all people should understand that. I wouldn't even know how to do this if it weren't for you and Pastor Jim", John was shouting and holding back tears. He wouldn't let himself cry though.

_Only pussies cry._

“John, you’re not getting the gun. You are never going to find the gun. Pack up and head back to wherever your boys are. Get them a few gifts and for once just be their dad. Show up in time for Christmas and surprise them with a tree. Let this notion of revenge go. It won’t bring her back.” Daniel was still restraining John, but wasn’t putting much effort into it. It was stupid to let his guard down around John Winchester, but he knew from John’s look that he was defeated.

“If you don’t give me that gun, Daniel, I will spend the rest of my life hunting it down. And if that means I have to take you out to get it, then so be it.”, John warned.

“If that’s what you think you need to do John”, Daniel conceded.

John stalked towards the door without looking back. He was too mad to think about the end of one of his longest friendships. As much as Daniel pissed him off, he wasn’t wrong about giving the boys a Christmas. He was sure Sam was going out of his mind worrying if Santa was going to come.

Wait, does Sam still believe in Santa? Shit, I gotta ask Dean.

A light snow was falling as he left the Fiesta Motel. He hadn’t bothered to check the weather report before he left, but the snow was making him nervous. He hadn’t slept in about 26 hours and the snow blowing towards his windshield was disorienting him. He knew he couldn’t stop and get a room, since there wasn’t time, so he decided he would just pull over for a few hours and rest just enough to get back to Nebraska.

He drove for another hour before he couldn’t stay awake any longer. He pulled into a secluded spot at the first rest area he saw. He knew the boys would be asleep so there was no sense in calling. So instead, he climbed in the back and burrowed down into his jacket.

He didn't need a lot of sleep and the desire to make it back in time to pick up a few gifts for his children was going to be enough to keep him going. He just needed a few hours.

John woke up, teeth chattering. He checked his watch and saw that he had been asleep 3 hours. It was longer than he wanted, so he quickly crawled over the seat and started the car. It took him a few moments to come to his senses and realize the car was covered in snow.

_Goddammit. Not now. You don't snow all fucking winter and now all of a sudden it's a fucking blizzard. Dean is going to skin me alive if I let down Sam one more time._

He got out of the car and stepped into several inches of snow. While it wasn't ideal, he suspected more by the way the car was covered. He could work with inches, he would just drive slow. It would be mid-afternoon by the time he made it, but it’s still Christmas and that's what counted.

As he dusted off the car and let the engine warm up, he thought about what he could get Sam and Dean. He thought Dean could use a watch. Nothing fancy, just something sturdy that could last him a few years - a nice analog watch with a compass. He could stop at the Army surplus shop and maybe pick up a jacket for Sam. He was growing out of his old one and needed something warm - maybe a tan Carhartt that would suit him.

John climbed in the car and slowly started making his way to Nebraska. The roads were covered and his Impala wasn't meant for driving in these conditions. He hoped he could find a surplus shop soon so he could get chains for his tires.

Several hours later, John hadn’t even made it one hundred and fifty miles. He slid off the road a few times and had to stop for a half-hour because the snow was blowing so hard he couldn’t see the road. The upside of traveling on Christmas Eve during a snowstorm was that the roads were pretty empty. People were already where they were going, or decided to stay where they were. He was the only idiot around for miles.

As luck would have it, he saw a billboard for a surplus shop just a few miles ahead, right off an exit. It sparked new hope in him. He remembered why he was driving in this crazy weather. He had to get home to Sam and Dean.

He didn’t plan on getting stuck on the exit ramp, though.

  
At his wits end, John collected all the extra blankets in the car and began to walk to the store. It was probably less than a half-mile away, so he could make it before his pants were entirely soaked. He made a mental note to buy a new pair of pants while he was in there as well.

When he burst through the door like a madman, the cashier gave him a dirty look. He knew he was dripping wet and making the place a mess, but he didn’t care. Time was running out and he was getting desperate.

It didn’t take him long to gather everything he needed - a watch, jacket, 3 new pairs of boots, a pair of waterproof BDUs, and a set of tire chains.

It wasn’t hard for the cashier to figure out why John came in soaking wet. He offered to drive him back to his car and help him get the chains on.

“Hey, thanks, man. This has been a shit day and I am racing back to my kids. I promised them I wouldn’t miss Christmas this year. It looks like this is just going to be another promise I can’t keep. I just wish they knew how hard I was trying to get back to them. Do you think I could use your phone to make sure they are taken care of? It’s long distance, but I can pay you for it.”

“No charge, brother, call your kids. I have my son out there warming up the truck. We will head to your car whenever you are ready”, the cashier insisted.

When he picked up the phone his first instinct was to call Dean and let him know he wasn’t going to make it, and to tell Sammy he would be there by the morning. They could have Christmas on the 26th. At the rate he was going, he didn’t think he would make it to Nebraska until about 2am.

Instead, he decided to call Bobby.

“Bobby, hey, it’s John… No, I am not back yet… Yeah, I am somewhere in Iowa… I know he’s going to be pissed, Bobby, that’s why I am calling… Do you think you could sit with them?… I know, Bobby, but they would probably rather have you than me there anyway… Give me some fucking credit, Singer… Dean is getting a watch and Sam is getting a new coat… Yeah, that’s it. Oh, wait, no, I got them boots too… So you think about 4 hours?… Great... If the storm passes, maybe I can get through Iowa faster… You too, Bobby… Hey, Bobby… Tell them I tried... I really tried this time… Thanks.”

He handed over the phone to the cashier and they headed for the door. He put his son in charge of the store. John looked at the kid and he couldn’t have been older than 14. He seemed too young to run a store by himself, especially in case of a robbery. That thought hit him a like a ton of bricks.

_I have my 12-year old raising my 8-year old, and I am worried this kid isn’t safe. I really am fucked up. It seems like everyone can see just how much of a shitty father I am._

  
Things moved a lot faster once he got the chains on his car. He thanked the cashier/owner of the store countless times. He was just waved away and told to hurry home to his kids - and he did.

30 miles outside of Broken Bow, he started looking around for a place that sold Christmas trees. He figured there would be a few ugly ones left that no one wanted and he could just boost one, but that was not the way John Winchester’s luck worked. There wasn’t a damn tree around. He even considered cutting one down, but thought better of it. All he needed was to get arrested for tree theft.

He pulled into the hotel at a quarter-to-one in the morning. He noticed Bobby’s truck and saw that the light was still on. Hope flooded through him because he thought everyone might still be awake. It was more likely they fell asleep with the light on, but for once instead of stamping down any hope that he felt, he let it wash over him. He was home and it could still be Christmas if everyone was still awake.

He grabbed the boy’s gifts out of the trunk and hurried to the door. With a twist of the knob, he felt his heart explode. Bobby was laying on the bed reading a book out loud. Sam was snuggled up next to him not paying attention, listening to a pair of headphones, and Dean was laying across the bed with his feet in the air listening to Bobby read the story.

As John walked through the door, Dean’s eyes shot over to him. He was out of the bed in a flash. He could probably count on one hand the amount of times Dean had rushed to him for a hug like that - and every one was probably before the age of 10. Regardless, it was the best hug John had ever experienced.

“Sammy, wake up. I told you dad would be here”, Dean shouted so his little brother would hear him over his music. Sam stirred next to Bobby before looking up to meet John’s eyes. Sam was a little more reluctant as he walked over, but John scooped him up and tried to hold him on his hip like he did when he was younger. The kid was too big and too old to be held like that, but he couldn’t put him down. He needed to feel the love from his boys, and he needed to show it. Tomorrow he could go back to Winchester, marine-turned-hunter, just trying to keep his kids alive. Tonight he just wanted to be Dad.

It took him a second to look around and take in the surroundings. There was newspaper scattered all over the floor, a half-dead Christmas tree, a carton of eggnog, and something that smelled an awful lot like chili coming from the kitchen. He couldn’t help the joy he felt. Bobby gave them a real Christmas.

_They would have been better off is he was their dad. They are stuck with me, but if I keep getting help from Bobby, maybe he could help balance them out - masters of survival, trained killers, and a recipe for chili that has hunters traveling days just to get a taste._

He smiles to himself and sets Sam down on the couch and sits next to him. He is exhausted, but something glittering near the tree catches his eye. He gets up to see what it is and lets out a bark of laughter.

“Whose sparkly wand is this?” He looks between his children.

Dean blushes and looks down, but Sam beams with pride.

“Well, I guess it’s mine. Dean tried to tell me that you came home and brought us presents, but I figured out it was a lie when I opened the gifts and they were girl toys. Even though I don’t like girl toys, I want to keep it. I don’t want the Sapphire Barbie. I just want to keep the wand. Dean tried real hard to make Christmas special, Dad. And he did...”

John glanced over at Dean, his freckles standing out against his bright red face. The poor kid probably thought he was going to get in trouble for stealing. A good parent would teach their kid that stealing is wrong, but that just wasn’t the world the Winchesters lived in.

Sam, who was a chatterbox, kept telling John all about their night.

“…and Bobby gave me a Walkman, Dad. He said that I should be able to pick my own music and brought me a huge box of tapes. I have all kinds of music now. Dean said he was going to steal my Walkman and make an…. What did you call it Dean?”

“EMF reader”.

“Yeah, he said he was going to use it to make an EMF reader, but Bobby said if he touches it, I get to punch him in the mouth. Is that true, Dad? Can I punch him in the mouth if he tried to make an EM-whatever out of my walkman?”, Sam questioned.

“If Dean even so much as mentions “EMF” in front of you again, I will bust his lip right open. You got that?” John was talking to Sam, but looking Dean straight in the eye. He should be mad that Dean brought up EMF at all in front of Sam, but he wasn’t. Sam would know soon enough.

John regretted being crass with Dean, so he instantly tried to lighten the mood.

“What about you kid, you get anything?”

“Yeah, Bobby gave me a few books by Kurt Vonnegut. I have never heard of them, but he says I will like them. He told me to start with Slaughterhouse-Five”, Dean responded.

“Vonnegut? That’s some pretty heavy reading. He’s right though, you will like Slaughterhouse-Five.”

_I'll be damned. Slaughteredhosue-five. I haven’t thought about that since- shit. Maybe it’s time to give to boys a better story on how I met Mary. I guess they might want to know more than ‘we ran into each other’. If I’m going to act like a pussy, I might as well go all out._

“You know I actually met your mother because of that movie. March 23rd, 1972, she walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. She loved it, and she bumped into me and knocked me right on my ass. She was embarrassed, but I laughed it off and said she could make it up to me with a cup of coffee. So we went and we talked. She was cute and she knew the words to every Zeppelin song. So when I asked for her number, she gave it to me even though she knew her dad would be pissed.”

John smiles remembering how he met his wife. The day that changed everything. He’s been fighting back these tears all day and finally lets a few fall.

_A man can shed a few tears for missing his wife and loving his sons._

Dean, his little caregiver, rests a hand on John’s shoulder. It’s the Winchester equivalent of a hug during emotional moments. It’s not overbearing, but still showing empathy. Maybe he isn’t doing so bad after all.

He looks at Bobby and mouths ‘thank you’. He needs to talk to the man and thank him properly, but as he sits on the couch, Dean standing by his side and Sam slumping into him, he wants to quietly cherish this moment. Their family doesn’t get moments like this often and he needs to savor every second.

After a few minutes, Sam starts lightly snoring and before John can react, Dean has scooped him up and moves him to the bed. He gets him tucked in and crawls up next to him. Dean hates sleeping with Sam, but knows that John will need the other bed since Bobby only has a single next door.

_That kid is amazing. He’s going to be an amazing father someday. Hopefully, away from all this bullshit. Maybe they can have normal “apple pies” lives - white picket fence, big golden retriever, and a wife with a baby on the way._

Watching Dean with little Sammy, though, was the exact moment he knew without a doubt he must have done something right with his eldest. Dean made watching out for Sam his job, more than than he made it who he is, and who he will always be. John would never be able to express to Dean how much it meant to him, but he felt it.

Even though John knew he would continue making bad decisions, he continues going on dangerous hunts and dragging them all over the country - and continues to hurt them time and time again. At least he will know he did one thing right.

 

THE END


End file.
